About the Author
Bryan Frances is the world’s only intellectual wisdom coach. He’s a former professor of philosophy & logic, doing research & teaching at universities in the US, UK, Europe, Asia, and the Middle East. He teaches you how to become the wisest thinker in the room—which is different from being the most knowledgeable or having the highest IQ. Contact for a free session.
I was talking with a guy in his 20s who wants to become his own person, so to speak. The captain of his ship in life, making his own decisions, charting his own path. Right now, he feels pressure from various external sources (family, friends, social circles) to not be his own captain. A common predicament.
My coaching business is primarily for people older than him, for sure. Usually 30-60 yrs old and successful in life, in a variety of ways according to their personalities. But I took him on as a client because he is extremely promising. He’s going places in life.
I was confronted with the question of what concrete steps can bring a 20-something person to the point where they are captain of their ship. Roughly put, this is what he wants:
I make my own decisions, based on an intelligent, evidence-based assessment
I form my own beliefs, based on an intelligent, evidence-based assessment
I don’t blindly obey friends or family or my social circles
Neither do I disagree with them out of rebellion
I am the adult in the room both intellectually & emotionally
I’m aware of but don’t exaggerate my strengths, either inflating or deflating them
I’m aware of but don’t exaggerate my weaknesses, either inflating or deflating them
I take advice and treat it with the respect it deserves, no matter the source
I know when to consult expertise, and I follow through
I accept the inevitably of multiple, consistent failures in any life rich in experience and ambitious undertakings, and learn from them
I know when to withhold judgment & wait to act—comfortably saying “I don’t know what to think yet” and “I’m not sure what to do yet”
So, how does one get to that point?